Now Count All the Ones

Every now and then another personality test comes along to help us discover our personality types, strengths, and weaknesses.   They can change your life.  Foster better understanding of self and others.  Help you discover the real you and your potential.

Maybe it's my personality type, but I don't much care for them.  I always think I will.  I eagerly snatch up the test and begin.  However, they are seldom as fun or easy as I think they will be.  I have an awful time answering them and I shudder thinking about how some of my kith and kin might answer them about me. Eventually- usually - we get to the evaluation part.  And it turns out that I don't like me.  sigh.

I am not the only one.  I know people that either refuse to do the tests or keep their tests a deep secret.  Others who take them, share the results, and feel discouraged and depressed.  There are a few who take them and shine (and/or gloat), but this is not about them.

People who like these tests (and are vastly different personality types) say that we just are not understanding them.  That we need to read the whole book (or read it again).  They consider the test and book to be key in understanding people and in self-development. 


Andrew and I were talking about this. Both of us get discouraged and depressed by these things, but we keep going back for more - like somehow it will get better and suddenly we will have the key to really liking the personality we discover and to becoming happy, self-confident. productive, efficient, balanced, successful (in every important way) etc etc etc people.

But it doesn't work.

Andrew did achieve enlightenment.  He said, "I don't have to figure out who I am.  I need to figure out who I want to be and practice it!"  

We need to figure out what muscles  (qualities) we want and exercise them.

Isn't that what this life is about? 

(Where have I heard this before?)

And we know Someone who is more than happy to help us.  If we will only ask with a sincere heart and then follow His guidance.

Korean, Kalisticks, Bathtub, Books, etc

Saturday, August 18, 2012  oops, no, Sunday August 19, 2012  12:03am

Missed President Monson’s Life Celebration broadcast.  Busy with the grandkids  I wonder if our missionary in the MTC got to see it?  I will probably watch later today when it is day.

If the website works.  It has been acting up lately making building scheduling challenging if possible at all.  Not good when people are trying to plan funerals!

A letter from Benjamin with the little heart notes for Debi and for me came today.  Just as I was about to leave for Costco.  Delayed that little trip.  : ) While I read the letter and then posted it.  Well most of it.  Not the Korean.  I just put [KOREAN] in those places.

Before going to the Hinds, I took Debi her note and she photographed the letter, or at least the Korean phrases.  She posted the translation on Facebook.  Isn’t she amazing?!

My FB post:
I was just heading for the door for a trip to Costco when the postman brought a letter from my missionary. Priorities! The letter has been read and posted (except I haven't figured out how to copy the Korean). Now I try again.

• Debi Robarts You can scan it maybe? Or if not, bring it over and I'll translate for you. :) Or I can post it in Korean.
• Miriam Robarts That's funny. I was just asking you for the Korean! Can you take a picture?
• Debi Robarts First part says "Hi/Are you in peace?" (standard greeting). I'll translate the other two in a little bit. :)
• Debi Robarts I think the 2nd one says "I copied the four Gospels down by heart." 저 는 복 음 읕 사 랑 하 심 니 다
• Debi Robarts The last says 사 랑 하 서ᅵ 여 and I'm not entirely sure what he means, literal translation I'm getting is "I want to Lang standing over four".
  

• -Debi Robarts Well I got the first two right and they helped. :P The last one I'm sorry I've only been learning Korean a week, forgive me. HAHAHA
• Debi Robarts Oh no ok I think I figured it out! :) He wrote the same thing on mine but slightly different on the last symbol: 사 랑 하 세 요
• I think she put this up and then took it down.  I have it in my email notifcation.  Debi wrote: "I think John 4:13?"
• Debi Robarts ‎"I love you."
• Debi Robarts It's confusing because one of the parts of the symbol is something that means it's in the dictionary as that word exactly, and translating it is sometimes confusing. :) But I'm learning!!!

Andrew came with me to babysit the kids, for which I am grateful!

They thought about playing in the sprinklers, but figured we didn’t know how to turn them on.  So Jared and Naomi played in the tub.  Water splashed all the way to the hallway.  

Esther learned some dance moves on a website associated with a book series she is into lately, the Fairy Godmother Academy.  The heroines of these books are girls who are fairy godmothers in training.   The author, Jan Borzath,  seems to be into empowering girls.  “I believe we hold our power and destiny in our hearts and minds, in a little bit of magic, in a higher power,that all beings should be treated with compassion and respect, that contentment is a gift that we can and should give to ourselves, that creating a better life should not mean creating a huge to do list, that it is okay not to be perfect, that doing what you can is always enough, in the power of a wish. “ In one of the books, the heroine, Kali, is a dancer.  Her website, Kali's Dance teaches the girls to make their own beautiful Kalistick (which they often hold when they are dancing and could be considered a feminine light saber in that it helps them feel empowered) and teaches them some dance routines - helping the girls feel graceful, powerful, and beautiful.  Esther was at it pretty much the whole time we were there.  Studying the moves and then performing them for us.  

 There was also a lot of reading.  It is a delight to see how much all three of the kids like books.  

(btw - Ruth is homeschooling the kids now.  = D 

Currently they are studying pirates, reading "Treasure Island", learning a bit about geography, history and all kinds of things pirates touch on. Naomi looks at an adapted version with pictures - "lovely" pirate pictures - while they read the real thing )

We had a terrible hour of Naomi crying for her mommy nonstop.  She totally rejected me, but tolerated Andrew who patiently cuddled her and tried to interest her in things.  The storm eventually passed and she was happy again, chatting, “reading” with him - he says she’s a speed reader, and singing.  The others went to bed during her sad time.  Suddenly a good bit after 10, she headed up the stairs, gaily called " Nigh' Nigh'!", and laid down with Jared who was sleeping on his blankets on the floor.  

 Speaking of which, I should have been sleeping long ago and will have a hard time not during church now.  Nigh' Nigh"!  (Much cuter when Naomi said it!!)

Another Friday Off, But Not an Off Friday

I am took yet another Friday off.  I don’t think I have worked a Friday this month.  Next week I plan to.  Of course, I expected to work today.

I decided to go to Betty Altop’s Celebration of Life (aka funeral).  I felt I could use the inspiration.  What I expected - some wonderful life stores plus a bit of Plan of Salvation.  Mormon funerals are often a mix of tears and laughter.  Of course family and friends sorrow as they miss their loved one, but they rejoice to have known him/her and to know that they can be together again.  I have been to other funerals where the officiators didn’t even know the deceased.  The whole atmosphere was sad and glum.  Not Mormons.  People who know and love the person share their stories, love and testimonies.  

After the funeral, I had a lot of work to do which of course I did not nearly all get done. The usual weekend chores and I MUST GET TO WORK ON MY PASSPORT PROJECT.   Before we went to Utah, I posted a request for an extension because the time they gave me expired this week.  I have not heard back.  Makes me nervous.  But I shall carry on as if they extended it and try to get my stuff in soon.  Hopefully this month.  At least by my birthday.

Saturday afternoon I go over the watch the kids while Tom DJs a wedding.   It will be good to spend time with them.

~~~
I did not expect, arriving at the funeral only 15 minutes early, to get a seat right behind the family.  Of course, family took up more than half the chapel.  and many people chose to fill from the back.  I sat with Alma Renner who had to leave early for another funeral.  And who told me that Donna Frank is in the hospital with a broken pelvis.  Two breaks, I think she said.  Sounds bad.  She is at an age where people fall, break, and often never recover. Alma was having a hard day.

The service was lovely.  But not a lot of funny stories.  David Altop talked about his mother.  He told of a time when she and her sisters were supposed to be berry picking, but instead were riding the mule. (The mule was named Jerry - or maybe Gerry?  which is humorous because she named her other son Gerald - Gerry)  Anyway, Betty fell and broke her arm.  The girls told Betty not to tell the folks because they didn’t want to get in trouble.  A couple of days later, when Betty was sick with a fever, the broken arm was discovered.  

He also told about when she went to watch him run track in high school.  When she told him about it at home, he realized that she had been watching and cheering for the wrong guy!

Her first-married son-in-law, Dale Wallace, spoke of their loving home and good times together.  He urged us to read Doctrine and Covenants 138, Joseph F. Smith’s vision of the spirit world and Christ’s visit to the spirits there.

They asked Betty on Sunday (the day she died) who she wanted to meet when she got back.  She wanted to see her mom and dad.  It think it made it easier for the family she was leaving for them to think of her reuniting with family who had gone before.  

I think it was Dale who reminded us that “All you can take is what is in your mind and your heart and what you have done for other people.”  I get the feeling that she left a rich woman.

Bishop said that Betty had threatened to come back and haunt people if her service went over an hour.  It ended just short of the hour.  

~~

I made it to Winco, but not to Costco.  Maybe tomorrow.  sigh. I unloaded the car all by myself and Andrew returned from Institute soon after.  I should work on my timing.  I don’t have everything put away.  Missing my master organizer.  ; )  and I forgot that Benjamin said not to buy more corn for a while. 

I took a nice little nap.  Feels good.  Should try to work that in more often.

This evening I read “How to Be a Disciple of Christ”   By President Dieter F. Uchtdorf  (current issue of the New Era).  He so often speaks to my heart and my needs. I really  like the opening paragraph.  (and the rest of it)

“The first step on the path of discipleship begins in the exact place where we stand! We do not have to prequalify to take that first step. It doesn’t matter if we are rich or poor. There is no requirement to be educated, eloquent, or intellectual. We do not have to be perfect or well-spoken or even well-mannered. You and I can walk in the path of discipleship today.”

I have the most trouble with "Have meaningful family home evenings, read the word of God, and speak to our Heavenly Father in earnest prayer."  all of them.  Unless you take "read the word of God" to mean "look at the words regularly".  And "speak to our Heavenly Father in earnest prayer" to mean "say your prayers."   Somehow I suspect it means a bit more.  Try harder.

Keep walking,Fievel

How Do I Know When I Am Forgiven?

 Even though my youth is far, far behind me, I enjoy and learn a lot from The New Era, the magazine of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints for the youth. 

Tonight I read How Do I Know When I Am Forgiven? 

I found this passage very comforting and hopeful: 
 “If you feel the Spirit—when you pray, read the scriptures, teach, testify, or at any other time—then that is your witness that you have been forgiven or, alternatively, that the cleansing process is taking place, for the Spirit cannot dwell in an unholy tabernacle” (see Alma 7:21)

That almost makes me want to weep for joy.  For while it is certainly not a constant thing, I do sometimes feel the Spirit .  There may be hope for me.

On the other hand, the closing paragraph gives me some cause for concern:

In the meantime, until that final drop of guilt is removed, if we feel the Lord’s Spirit we can proceed with confidence that we have been cleansed or that the cleansing process is working its divine miracle in our life. The promise is certain—if we do our best to repent, we will be cleansed of our sins and our guilt will eventually be swept away, because the Savior’s Atonement descended not only below our sins but also our guilt. Then we will be at perfect peace with ourselves and with God.

The catch being that phrase "if we do our best to repent".  Do our best?  That good old Cub Scout motto.  It's a good one.  But.  I try.  I try really hard sometimes.  But do my best? 
Do I ever, have I ever really done my best?   I am always certain I could have, should have done better. 

There seem to be two conditions that will free us from all guilt and pain. First is our unwavering faith in Jesus Christ and His Atonement. When Enos asked how his guilt was “swept away” (see Enos 1:6–7), the Lord responded, “Because of thy faith in Christ” (Enos 1:8). Accordingly, the more we learn about the Atonement and exercise faith in Christ’s healing powers, the greater our ability to be forgiven and to forgive ourselves. Second is the development of a character that has “no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually” (Mosiah 5:2). When this happens, we no longer view ourselves in our “carnal state” (Mosiah 4:2) but as spiritually begotten sons and daughters of God. We recognize that we are a different person than the one who sinned. Scrooge, the famous character in Charles Dickens’s A Christmas Carol, had so transformed his life that he could rightfully declare, “I am not the man I was.”¹

I am thankful for the Lord Jesus Christ, our incredible loving brother, who sacrificed so much for us, for me, that I might repent and be cleansed.  May I do my best, and with His help, do better than my own best to follow Him and become a true disciple and be forgiven of my sins.

Wheels West

  Saturday I headed home alone.  Even though Benjamin was already two years away no matter where either of us are, it felt a little bit like leaving him.  But, time to go home to my family. : )

If I remember correctly, this plaque talks about old time vacation resorts on the Great Salt Lake.

I am trying to learn to do photos of myself like Benjamin, even though I do not have nearly as good a subject.  With the Great Salt Lake behind me.  One cannot capture by camera the immensity of this lake.  It is BIG. But it is not like the ocean which has certain freshness. and waves and tides.

Driving miles and miles through miles and miles

The Salt Flats - which go on and on and on

Hard, dry, cracked salt - the Salt Flats

The Salt Flats and me - I may be cracked, but I am not hard and dry. 

I am sure this tree did not occur naturally here at the Salt Flat rest stop, but I like seeing it.

On the road

 I actually enjoyed the drive.  I like solo driving.  I like being alone sometimes.  I like driving.

Also I had a 23 CD audio book "Don't Know Much about American History"

. 

I like American History

The previous pictures were Utah.  I think this is now Nevada.

And this is California! Definite improvement.

I took a scenic detour which ended up being longer than I had realized.  This is looking back down on Donner Lake.  I am so glad I am not a pioneer. 

 

 

 

 

 

Hogle Zoo

Friday, Kent and Melanie took their oldest granddaughter Maddie and I to the Utah Hogle Zoo. Nice zoo! That was fun! Kent looks at a few things, then finds a place to sit, read, and watch people.

The bad news is that my camera battery died and my phone memory was full!  I only got a couple of pictures.

While we were near the otters (which we didn't see. Nice exhibit, though, where you can see them swimming under water - IF they were out there swimming, that is) and the seals (also a really nice exhibit), a thunderstorm came on and heavy rain began. Maddie became concerned for Grandpa (Bumpa or something like that) so I went back to check.On the way I saw a bunch of kids taking shelter in a concrete crawl through "hollow log". Pretty cute. Of course, Grandpa was fine. He was in the process of moving to a table with an umbrella. And the rain let up.

They had a great bird show. Birds flying low over our heads. One flew away to the rhino enclosure. No problem. Even if one of their birds leaves the zoo, they have gps tracking devices. We had seen a hawk, I think, flying loose, but with tresses on its legs, and Kent had chatted with a zoo keeper. Bald eagles, other eagles, hawks, owls, a vulture, doves, chickens. They did the thing where they asked for a volunteer from the audience with $5. The volunteer (who obviously had been there before) only had a dollar. The bird flew up, took the dollar, flew back to the handler and put the money in his pocket. They asked if she wanted the dollar back. She said no. So the bird brought her two tickets for the little train ride and flew her dollar to the donation box. The asked for a brave volunteer and got a really little boy to come down to the show area. “Smile your biggest smile.” He did. Very cute! Put something in his outstretched hand. Asked if he was afraid of birds.  "Have you seen a California Condor?" (???!!!) "Just kidding, Mom." A small white bird flew down, landed on his arm, and ate the seed. The showman asked how it felt, but the boy didn't say anything. "Speechless, huh?" nod.He also got 2 train tickets.

We saw leaf-nosed bats, elephants (and baby elephant), bison (Kent asked what was by the sun - or son?. I said another son), and giraffes. Lots of monkeys. I didn't see the zebras and gazelles. They were way off down another hill, I think

The polar bear was great! He would swim right up the viewing wall and rise up right in front of the people - mostly children - launch off on his back, glide out, then stop, look around, submerge and swim back to the viewing window again and again. Face to face with a polar bear! He seemed friendly. Suddenly there was a thunder clap and he ran away to his den.


By the Bald Eagle enclosure there was a Eagle nest statue thing for kids to get in. Eagle nest. I got a little choked up. Melanie and I joked about what fun it would be to have a picture of our Scouts in the Eagle nest

Larsons have a super membership with AJ & Stephanie. Admission for them, 2 guests (ok, I think Kent is one of the guests) and 6 children. Plus unlimited carousel and train rides. Maddie rode the merry-go-round (with Melanie beside her) and us girls all rode the train - not handicapped accessible. I was hoping the train would go around the zoo more (and maybe see the zebras) but it was a short, but nice ride.

Fun day. God is quite creative.

I saw neat things, but have no pictures. Sorry

Thursday Melanie, Kent and I went to the exhibit "Beauty and Belief" (Islamic art) on display through sometime in September in the BYU Museum of Art. Interesting and beautiful, but not my style. I don't know how much it increased my understanding and appreciation for Islam, but it was pretty cool. I liked seeing a big long scroll full of prayers and quotations from the prophet (or so the plaque said) rolled out on a ramp like a slide. The writing is pretty. Lots of woodwork, brass work and cloth. Bowls made out of various materials. I would have loved a closer look at a pair of scissors in the shape of a bird with the blades as the beak. In one cool place, you look through a little porthole and see a horse. The horse has all these animals making it up. A fox makes the top of its head, another animal its muzzle. Lots of different animals and a person. When you move over and looked through another viewing window, you see that it is not one piece of art, but several. Each animal is hanging at a different height and a different distance from the window. You see each one distinctly and individually, not as part of a horse. Hard to describe, but pretty cool. Islamic art emphasizes the Part of the Whole (or something like that) and patterns. Patterns suggest infinity. Representations of simple things created with geometric patterns, figures be arranged in patterns or shapes. "God is beauty and God loves beauty."


We also walked through "Life in a Hard Land" iconic art of the Southwest and "In the Shadow of Timpanogos" photography of the mountain area here. The photography was beautiful. My favorite of the exhibits. But I didn't pick a picture for my fantasy house. ; )

Then they took me out to burgers at a dine-in burger place. We "upgraded" to sweet potato fries, but I think I personally prefer regular fries.

Heading to the MTC

Two weeks ago today, Benjamin spoke in Perkins Ward Sacrament Meeting for the last time in two years and Kirsten Hamaker spoke for the first time in 18 months recently returend from her mission in Texas.  That evening the house was filled with family, friends, and well wishers for Benjamin’s Open House.  I wish I had taken lots of pictures but I only got a couple.

I had a regular work week getting my desk as cleared as possible to prepare for being away a week.  Benjamin spent the week shopping, saying good-byes, and packing.  As the Sacramento Temple was closed, he and his temple baptism buddies went to Oakland Wednesday.  

  He and I went to the Oakland Temple Saturday

On the way home, we noticed a jingling sound that I recognized as the warning sound of worn brakes.  How long had that been going on?  We didn’t know.  That certainly made me a little nervous.  On the way home, we also stopped at In N Out, but as we were eating on the road, we didn’t order secret menu - traditional is less messy.

Last Sunday, we had quite a stirring Testimony Meeting.  In a rare turn of events, I was first. David bore a tearful, heartfelt testimony including a recitation of the last verse of our national anthem.  Of course, Benjamin stood up and barely managed without crying.  One of the most striking testimonies to me was Liz Richards.  Liz lost her car keys, but happily had a spare which unhappily got lost at Cal Expo.  The expensive remote keys that cost a couple of hundred to replace.  She did not feel that she could cough up that kind of mone.  Liz also recently went through a horrible ordeal dealing with terrible roommates.  She has had a hard time having any kind of Christ-like attitude towards those people.  Finally, she began working towards forgiveness. The day after she was able to pray for them, while she was doing laundry, she was prompted to look in a certain box.  There was her first car key!  The Lord knew where they were all along, of course, and when she was willing and able to live as He has directed and forgive her enemies, He rewarded her with inspiration.  

That evening we had Debi’s birthday/ Benjamin’s good-bye dinner at Ruth’s.  Waffle bar, lots of fun - until I said it was time to go.  Then his sisters tearfully bid Benjamin good-bye. It was especially hard for Debi with whom he has shared a special bond since he was born.  

Monday morning Joseph bid Benjamin good-bye and pedaled off to work.  I took Goldie in to have those brakes looked at, and naturally, replaced.  Delayed our departure a couple of hours or so, but gave us some peace of mind and got rid of that annoying jingling. Finally, it was time to go.  Benjamin said to Andrew and off we went.

A pleasant enough, uneventful drive.  Nevada seems like miles and miles of nothing until you get to the Salt Flats in Utah.  Then Nevada looks pretty good.  I am sorry Benjamin couldn’t really see the Salt Flats as it was dark by then. At last, we arrived, warmly, kindly welcomed by Kent and Melanie Larson.

Tuesday, Kent and Melanie, Benjamin and I went to Salt Lake City.  


Wednesday was report to the MTC day. After they tore my son from my arms I dropped him off, I went to tthe parking lot across the street thinking I might get a decent picture of the MTC (no).  The drop off was pretty quick! The host missionaries reminded me of the seagulls in "Finding Nemo" "Mine!" "Mine!" "Mine!"  "I've got it!" "I've got it!" "I've got it!"

 I noticed his sunglasses on the dash.  Did he leave them intentionally or accidentally???  I hope I did the right thing. I took the sunglasses to the guard post and asked the guards if missionaries are allowed sunglasses. They said yes and that they would get them to him.  Now I wonder.
1. Did he get the sunglasses?
2. Did he want them? If not,  he can start his pile of things to ship home before he leaves.


 

I decided to go to the Prove temple. I know the missionaries attend regularly and it felt like a way to connect with him, as well as it's always good to go to the temple. It was rather bitter-sweet. For the last two months or so, I think there might have been one time that I went to the temple without Benjamin.

 Will he be able to look for pennies in the Oakland Temple fountains?  They will be hard to see, I think.  The bottom of the fountain is a bit dark.

 After the temple, I went a little bit up the Rock Canyon up behind the temple. I always thought of it as Provo Canyon, but Provo Canyon is a big one not the one I used to visit in college. I used to walk up to Rock Canyon. There was a nice bridge over a dry creek that I got to walk across. Then up a trail to a good place to look out at the valley. I could see the temple easily, and the playing field (lots of people playing something - soccer? too far away) which is just a bit past where I had thought it was, but there were trees in the way of seeing the MTC.

I hardly saw the MTC at all - whether dropping Benjamin off or driving by or from the hill. That place is a fortress! a secret hide-out! That is to say, there is a fence around it and you cannot just walk in. As long as the missionaries don't feel like it's a prison, but rather a refuge.

The MTC website says "The purpose of the MTC is to provide an atmosphere of peace, love, trust, confidence, and respect in which missionaries can prepare for missionary service." Sounds good! I hope it feels that way to him! I think it might be pretty strange and almost overwhelming at first, but soon it will be good, maybe great.

"Each Wednesday several hundred missionaries enter the Provo MTC. The eager missionaries enter an exciting world of learning." 

on the flip side - "Perhaps it’s the sacrifice evidenced in tear-stained faces as mothers and fathers give up the very best they have to offer—their sons and daughters. "  -from a New Era article about the MTC

I did not use up all of Teresa's tissues. Hardly any. I did use a couple of temple tissues in the Provo temple. 

Eventually I returned to the welcoming home of my friends. Alone, but not alone.