Monday, November 2, 2015


  I bicycle commute to work almost every day following basically the same route.  It balances safety, comfort, shade, prettiness, traffic, and distance.  It is a good route.  Every now and then, I get restless, bored, or curious and decide to vary my route. Inevitably I find that the variant is not as satisfactory as the way I usually go.

   Whether I take this street or that doesn't make much difference as long as they get me to work and home again.  Variety can be interesting.  Detours need not keep me from my goal.  But I was thinking that once we find the path to eternal life, even though it may be tedious, repetitious, and even difficult, it is vital that we stay on that path.  Detours can be dangerous and lead us off in the wrong direction. Hold to the rod.  Stay on the true path.  It is the only way to get where we want to go.

Where do I stand?

Complications  of diabetes has long while back cost my ex half a leg.  The stump continues to have sores and trouble healing, so the doctor ordered him to stay off of it.  For a time he was granted special accommodation to work from home.  Apparently, however, the time on that expired and was not renewed.  He still stayed home because he had to stay off his stump and could not use his prosthesis or drive.  (I do not know why he did not use a wheelchair and handicap transportation).  He burned through his vacation and sick leave by mid-October, so the 2nd half of the last month was unpaid leave.  It occurred to him that he might as well retire, because then he would get a pay check.  I do not know how quickly the wheels turn.  His paycheck for October will only be about half.  He will be paid retroactively if they set his retirement date back to when his leave expired.  But when will that money start to come?  I somewhat suspect that I will not get my support money this month.  At least not timely.  Also, I have not been able to learn what my share of his retirement will be, which will replace the support money he was paying.  I am a little anxious.  I have increased my responsibilities and my expenses.  I do not earn nearly enough to support my household without that support.  I can go a little bit  on my savings.  Hopefully, the new payment will kick in before things get dire.  And hopefully, it will not be less. 

In today’s world some think it is selfish of me to expect support.  We were married over 30 years with the marital agreement that he would support the family and I would be the homemaker and take care of the children.  I was not nearly as good a homemaker as I should have been, but I was as thrifty as I could be. And believe me, as a single head of house, I now better realize how valuable a homemaking partner can be!  I wish I had one!  The time, energy, and money such a partner saves the household!!  

 At the age when many people are retiring, when divorce was imminent I returned to work,  but my earning capacity is not what it might have been had I not been a full-time mother.  No regrets there.  His income really should be enough for both of us to live, modestly but not desperately.  I am sure it will all work out..  Eventually.  Pretty sure.  I hope and pray.


2015.11.02 1530  CalPERS tells me that it may be 60 days before they figure out what his retirement will be and what my share will be.  Which sounds like it may be 2 months (or so?) before either of us gets a check.  This may be a little unpleasant for me and difficult for him.  He had said he was going to check into getting his Foresters (401K?).  It isn't much, but could help tide him over.   CalPERS said one should start the paperwork 3 months before retiring.  oh.  I guess we find out "next year."

I should have updated. My savings were quite adequate to keep us going until my retirement share kicked in. My share is just a bit more than my support money was. I was able to repay my savings ( very necessary because my insurance and property taxes are not included in my mortgage. I have to save and 
pay semi-annually.) We are ok as long as I am careful. 

Theoretically I could earn more money if I took one more accounting class, passed a state test, and applied for a higher job. But I am too tired and stressed already. Plus, when I read the job descriptions for the advancement jobs, I just want to cry. I don't want the additional stress and more real accounting.. I like the job I have and I don't want those other jobs. So, here I stay. Enough to get along as long as I am careful. And, honesty, better off, much better off, than when I was married to a man with a fairly well-paying job. I don't know where the money went, but it didn't all make it to supporting the family.

I don't have retirement savings, so I am going to need to work a long time before my state retirement is nearly enough to live on ( with my retirement share from Glen).. May my health continue to be sufficient!  I have been blessed so far. 😉