I told you a little over a year ago that I considered applying for a job in Fort Bragg.  Actually in Russian Gulch State Park.  There was a Accounting MST position open in Mendocino Coast District.  It included a double wide trailer pad IN MacKerricher State Park - a place we have loved to camp over the years !  It would have meant a demotion and leaving family.  But they could visit!  What stopped me was finances and my guys.  There was no way I could sell my house for what I owe on it (maybe now I could) and I would have to buy
a trailer.  Instead of biking to work, I would have to drive.  Church would be further away.  And the cost of living is more there,too.  I like living with my 3 young men.  What would they do?  Could they get jobs and education there?  I decided it wasn't practical. Since then and largely because I stayed I was able to help a couple of my kids going through rough spots.  It was the right thing to do.

Then my wonderful supervisor Liz left which was devastating, we had a few leaderless months (which were not at all that bad), and then we got a new supe.  Life has not been the same.  Ok, I knew it wouldn't be the same, but the work environment is just not what it should be.

I just found out that the gal who got the job didn't work out and got "soft served" back to corrections in Susanville. Rather than poison their happy workplace again, the staff asked that the position not be filled and they would just all do more work.  Meaning the position is open.  I like to think I could get them to consider me.

Oh, it would be such solace to the soul to live in a State Park and work in a State Park.  To be near the ocean and forest.

And work in an office where pleasant work environment is a priority.

But the finances don't still work.

I could live with my family coming to the coast to visit me.  Or me coming here on visits.

But what about my guys?  I like living with Joseph, Andrew and Benjamin and they are not ready to fledge. Joseph has a job here but needs to improve  Andrew needs education and a job. Benjamin will be going on a mission soon (he turns 19 in December) and will need school and a job when he comes back. The question of opportunities is still holding me back.

I also hate the idea of giving up my house.  both emotionally and because a trailer pad in the park is not permanent.

so, I am torn.  Is it an opportunity and a "sign" or a temptation?

I am pretty sure I stay.  I have a pretty good life here. but....

I am actually in tears.  Silly, eh?

The Mendocino Coast admin is going for a 4 mile walk to the lighthouse at Point Cabrillo today at lunch. (She promised to think of me.)   Do you see what I mean?!

 A wise co-worker said that I thought it was a chance of a life time last year, but the chance is still there.  Maybe it will be there again/still when/if I am ready.

Back to work - in a grey cubicle in the city.