2018 - an annual letter TWO Years in a Row!

An annual letter two years in a row!

Three pretty big good things happened to me in 2018. Actually, I am thinking of two big good things and one big not so good thing that did not happen.

The not so good thing that did not happen is that I don’t think Miriam had any trips to emergency this year. She still has Lupus, of course, and she is somewhat disabled. This year Miriam has had some trouble with acid reflux and with air in her throat, which has been uncomfortable and inconvenient, but not life threatening and, fortunately, not all the time.  Otherwise, it has been a pretty good year. She started a strict dietary program around the first of the year. One starts out by only eating foods that most people respond well to and then slowly tests other foods to see how your body reacts. Because of her Lupus, the testing and adding foods is going much more slowly than it would for other people. With her core of good for her foods, she seems to have much fewer Lupus flares, looks and feels better, and she is managing her weight. She has invited me to try her diet program, but I am not ready for the sacrifices.  She continues to take art classes on-line, enjoy ebooks, and sometimes helps people with computer related questions.  Now she does a great job producing a weekly email and monthly newsletter for our ward Relief Society (congregation women's group). 

(Since I wrote this and actually mailed out a very few, Miriam did have an ER trip.  Fortunately, it was not serious, but an annoying, scary looking burst blood vessel in her eye. Did I hex her by writing that she had not had any emergencies?)

A big really good thing is that I retired! Where once California State Parks was a great place to work even in the Accounting Office in a grey cube in a grey building in the city, it became less and less so. Changes in management at all levels and a change in accounting system led to overwhelming work loads and a miserable work environment. It was wearing physically, mentally, and emotionally. Then in my misery I remembered that women in my family died young.   My mother died at 70.  Her mother died at 68.  I turned 67 in September.  The toxic workplace was pushing me to join them.  A little research revealed that retired  I would not be starving and homeless as long as I am careful.  I retired in mid-June and spared myself the misery of Fiscal Year End. It is wonderful to be out of that deadly environment. It is very nice not to have to rush off to work. I have a very long list of things I need and want to do. I am surprised at how quickly the time goes and how slowly I am getting these things accomplished. Some of the things that I am quite happy about are a little more time and energy with family,  being able to donate platelets again (my managers had stopped allowing time off to go to the Blood Source (now Vitalant) even though it is provided in our contract), time to go to the temple, being able to take naps (I am surprised at how often I need/want a nap - how did I survive before?), and being able to meet co-workers and friends for lunch now and again. I cannot say that I am a good enough person to usually enjoy service, but I am glad to be ABLE to serve others more. 

Another good thing is that after living about 40 years in one of the probably half dozen homes in Sacramento without air conditioning, we had 4 ductless mini system units installed - heating and cooling.  The Patch is much more comfortable in extreme weather now.

A not good thing this year is that we had to send my Black Lab, Anna, across the Rainbow Bridge in January. She had been having trouble with her back legs and would fall but get up again. Finally she went down and could not get up. We used a towel for a sling under Anna so we could help her, but that was not easy, effective, comfortable, or long term. I found a nice vet who would come to the house and took the day from work. Anna and I spent a lovely morning outside, occasionally barking at the neighbors (her) and eating treats (still mostly her), and me loving on her. I am sure it was her best day in a long time even though she could not walk. The vet came, assessed the situation, assured us that we were doing the right thing, and eased Anna on to the next life. I have loved and lost many good dogs in my life, but I have grieved Anna the most.  

 

The guys are continuing much as they did last year - Joseph working for the Bureau of Automotive Repair, Andrew attending and tutoring at Sacramento City College.  Andrew no longer teaches Primary.  (I teach the 7-8 year olds now) Andrew meets regularly with friends to play Magic or Dungeons and Dragons.  The guys love talking about role playing characters and their adventures. 

We enjoyed seeing most of my daughter Ruth's family dance in the Elk Grove Strauss Festival, her kids in plays, concerts by RSVP - an excellent acapella group Bethany sings with, Sunday dinners with David and Teresa and with Benjamin and Bethany. I joined part of the family at Disney World in February and all of my grandchildren (and their parents) at Disneyland in September.  Thanksgiving was with all of my children, their (spouses who count as my children,right?!), and their children except one.  The one, my oldest grandchild, Acadia, is serving a full-time mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in the Oregon Eugene Mission.

It has been a pretty good year and I anticipate more good things to come in 2019.  I wish the same for you.

Barbara

I love the sweet baby Jesus, his loving, faithful mother,

and devoted, protecting Joseph. I thrill to the stories of Christ’s life and miracles. But it is our Savior in Gethsemane, through His trials, and on the cross who willingly suffered unimaginable pain, died and rose again because of His immeasurable love for us - for me- that I adore and celebrate. May we always remember Him.

Peace, Love, Joy, Hope!

Merry Christmas !

Crazy Cat Lady

Original Nov 21, updated Nov 26

I finally decided to adopt my dead ex-husband's ex-fiance's geriatric cat whom I have never seen. Into a home with two cats who do not like each other but have at least ceased all-out warfare most of the time. She will, at first and maybe indefinitely, live in a cat cage 3x2x4.5 in my already cluttered front room. Which should be an improvement over the small laundry room in a home that does not want pets.

Fiona and Cookie belonged to I who became engaged to G shortly after our divorce was final. When they broke up, she kept the ring and he kept the cats. 10 years or so later he died. She refused to take the cats back. DT who handled G's closing affairs and who do not want cats brought the cats home to their laundry room over a year ago  "temporarily" while they worked unsuccessfully to re-home them. Some months ago Cookie died leaving Fiona alone. Her health, mental and physical, declined.

I deliberately never met the cats because I am a sucker. Joseph would sometimes visit them and, especially since Fiona has been alone, wanted to rescue her but he already has a crazy neurotic cat, one if the two barely at peace cats in my house. We have talked about it, but ...

I couldn't take it anymore. 

I decided. I messaged T and ordered a cat cage. Thanksgiving I found out why DT didn't answer my message. They had not gotten it. Teresa seemed quite taken aback and against the idea. She feared Fiona would be traumatized by the vet visit that would precedent entering g my home and that she would be overwhelmed by my household.  She says Fiona has recovered from the shock of losing Cookie and is doing better. David brushes her. She has a great view of a tree from her bed.

I tried to cancel the order, but it was too late. They said I could refuse delivery when it arrived -scheduled for today, Monday. Then T told me that she would discuss Fiona with D and agreed to let me know this weekend. BUT despite my last two recent Amazon orders coming later than promised, this one came on Saturday -  early! Accept delivery or send it back? I took it. I still don't know if I am getting the cat.

Grateful for the certainty of God's love and wisdom!

Mental Wellness Challenge Day 2 - Journal 10 Things You are Grateful For

My friend posted this 20 Day Mental Wellness Challenge on Facebook.

I am not sure when I will ever accomplish Day 1, so  let's go to Day 2: "Journal 10 Things You are Grateful For." 

Don't think I can do that either.

First off, my family leaps to mind - 8 born children, 5 children-in-law, 8 grandchildren.  See?  In trouble already at 21.  Not to even mention the parents who brought forth and raised my children-in-law, each of whom is a blessing to my family.

I can say #1 Family - each one of them is an individual blessing for which I am grateful.

But let's not forget, as much as I love my family  - collectively and as individuals - Number ONE has got to be my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  Or possibly Heavenly Father. 

Father of our spirits.  All wise, all powerful.  Strong enough to send His children to face difficult tests and often fail.  Strong enough to send His Beloved Son to suffer and pay the horrendous price for our errors. With enough wisdom and perspective to let us suffer the many earthly trials - accidents, wars, illness, natural disasters - knowing that somehow it is for our eternal benefit. 

Lord God, creator of this marvelous earth with all its wonder and beauty.  Master scientist, master artist.  

Savior  pure, loving, willing to bear the punishment for every wrong thing we ever did or had done to us so that we can become clean. It is just too much to fathom.  We cannot be grateful enough.

And the Holy Ghost.  The unseen quiet partner, here to guide, direct, warn, and comfort. To be with us and help us whenever we are willing to let him and to listen.

I can easily also come up with 10 more "mundane" things
1.  I wake up (still here! and that is still good)
2.  after a peaceful,
3. safe
4. night's rest
5.  in my own bed
6.  in my own house
7.  with electricity
8.  running water
9.  food in the kitchen
10. clean and comfortable clothes to wear - washing machine, textiles, money to buy clothes, thrift shops which make that easier!, farmers, plants, sun, rain, earth, weaver, truckers,  et cetera
 

 But who's counting?  There is so much!
I am grateful to be retired and to have enough to live on.
I am grateful to be able to help others now and then (even though I honestly do not always or even usually serve with joy.  I don't always enjoy service, but I am grateful that I  CAN serve.) 
I am very grateful for my life compared to some of those who need my help.
I am grateful to those who are willing to try to help me reduce the chaos of my home and yard.

 I am grateful to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  To be taught the Plan of Happiness and Salvation.  That Jesus loves me so much.  For revelation, the restored Priesthood, for good leaders, for scriptures.

I am thankful for amazing, kind, supportive, patient, talented, smart, faithful friends

ad infinitum

Farewell, Acadia

     Acadia, my oldest granddaughter, begins a full-time mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints tomorrow, Wednesday October 24, 2018.  It has long been the desire of her heart to show her love for the Lord and share the joy of the gospel by serving a full-time mission.  We are excited for and proud of her.
   
     Some of us were able to go up for her last weekend at home.

     Feeling that I am getting too old for the long push,  I planned to take it somewhat easy, visit my sister overnight at Klamath Falls, and make a two day drive.  David, Teresa, and Andrew who had more commitments in Sacramento, drove up together in one long day drive. Well, Miriam and I did make a  two day drive.  She drove a good deal while I dozed.  We had planned to visit my sister Lainee on the way up, but we left late, had to make a lot of potty stops, lost Costco, and it just got to be too late. Instead of making the detour to Klamath Falls, we stopped at a hotel.  We tried to call Lainee on the way down to see if we could visit, but failed to connect.

     Yes.  I lost a Costco.  When traveling between Rosers and home I always gas at Costco in Medford.  So we confidently left the freeway and headed down the road.  My GPS suggested a left turn that we "knew" was a misdirection.  But when we got to Costco, it wasn't there.  It LOOKED like the right place except no sign of Costco or a gas station. I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone.  I went into  McDonalds and told the young workers that I was lost;  I thought there was a Costco there.  They told me that there WAS, but about a year ago it closed because there was a new one about 3 miles away. I guess the GPS had been right even though the address shown before we started was the Crater Lake Highway location.  We didn't have any trouble finding it on the return trip.

    Other than that mishap, the drive was quite pleasant. The weather was perfect. The scenery was lovely, although there were many signs of drought and fire.  Miriam and I listened to The Curious Charms of Arthur Pepper a delightful, surprising, entertaining tale of a widower's quest to learn about a mysterious piece of jewelry and his wife's life before they met.  

    Miriam and I stopped at Oregon Eugene Mission office. Not easy to find that basement hole in the wall!  We left a card for Acadia - her first "mail" on her mission!  I remarked to Miriam that how as it was so close to her home, her mom might deliver packages to the mission office rather than mail them.  (She would not deliver them to Acadia because missionaries have no face to face contact with their families while on their missions.  They write (email now) weekly and they speak by phone or video conference on Mother's Day and Christmas.  Mostly they are fully dedicated to the work.  Besides, Acadia might be assigned almost anywhere from central Oregon to Mt Shasta, from the coast to Nevada).  Miriam thought that was ridiculous.  Later we learned that because of Acadia's strict dietary restrictions, Sariah would, indeed, deliver (heavy) packages of nutrition supplements to the office before zone conferences to be passed on to Acadia.

    Thinking that the Rosers might be overrun and that a real bed and less busy bathroom might be more comfortable, I booked a hotel room for Miriam, Andrew, and I (shared, not individual.  I am not rich) We spent our waking hours at Rosers.

    Because he had been unwell early in the week, David could not take time off work Friday.  They left early in the morning Saturday, made good time, and arrived in the early evening.

    It was a delightful weekend.  Saturday, Miriam, Sariah, and I got lunch from the Golden China which might be the best Chinese food I have eaten. (I had teriyaki chicken, sesame chicken, and pineapple beef, noodles and rice) It was delicious.  Ryan and Acadia got sushi somewhere.  Aurora had already eaten leftovers at home, but Sariah got crab cakes at her request.  (no, thanks)    We played Life.  That game has changed since I was a kid!  The Rosers readied the house and treats for the Open House Sunday. Sariah made delicious asparagus stuffed chicken.  After dinner we made woofums around the firepit on Roser's deck.

    At church, we were all charmed by the beautiful duet of Aurora and her friend Grace singing a lovely medley arranged and played by Acadia.  Sweet, pure voices, beautiful song.  Acadia gave an excellent talk.  She will be such a good missionary.  Strong testimony, sincere, friendly.

      We made bracelets with kits Teresa brought and Sariah fixed a delicious pork roast dinner.  (We did offer to help but Sariah was totally organized) After dinner, however, we remembered that Aurora had planned to make Caesar Salad.  oh well

       Acadia kept saying that 7 people would come to the Open House that evening.  Of course, there were considerably more.  I mostly enjoyed visiting with my sister Kris and her husband Gary.  And we played Sleeping Queens. Everyone enjoyed the yummy gluten free treats Acadia made.

       Too soon the weekend was over.  We said our good-byes.  For a year and a half to Acadia and until Thanksgiving to the rest of the Rosers.

     David, Teresa, and Andrew headed out one street while Miriam and I headed out another.  Serendipity. We met up at Costco in Albany when we filled our cars.  They had gassed up, but were washing the windows when we got there.  David washed my windows.  I thought that was the last we would see of them because they continued on while we made a potty stop.  Surprisingly somewhere along the way they passed us on the freeway!  We followed them until we had to make a rest stop at Weed.  I was sure then that they would be home long before us.  At Medford, (well Center Point, I think it was) we made a last effort to contact my sister Lainee, but did not.  So we continued on.  We made good time and got home about 10pm.  Joseph welcomed us.  Andrew was not there.  What? I was certain they would be well before us.  Within a couple of minutes, to my relief, DTA arrived.  We had not made as many rest stops as anticipated and apparently I am the speedster. Also, we only stopped long enough for me to put together sandwiches with ingredients I had prepped and ate as I drove.   They stopped and did a little picnic.  I actually drove the whole way myself!  And I thought I was getting too old for that.  The weekend must have invigorated me.

    I almost forgot. Our coming home book was All The Ever Afters  which is also quite good and which we must yet finish. Reading Club!

An email to my friend with some of my beliefs and thoughts

You are right.  God is pretty clear against witchcraft.  And we are to avoid even the appearance of evil.  I may have to rethink one of my two basic Halloween costumes - the witch and the fancy lady.  don't think I look like an evil witch?  When I was a kid, my go to was Indian or hobo - probably not politically correct these days. We members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints don't take Halloween at all seriously.  It's just a time to have fun.  Some people like way too much gore for my taste.  on the other hand, there are probably members who avoid Halloween - they avoid Harry Potter and the like.  (I am ok with Harry Potter and our leaders have even quoted it). But mostly we just take the fun.  My problem with Halloween is that it gets more attention than I think it deserves, but people like to dress up, pretend, and have treats.  For me it's way too close to Christmas to spend much money on!  I have 8 children, 5 children-in-law, and 8 grandchildren.  I can barely do presents for them so extended family and dear friends are lucky if I get them a card.

Ha ha.  I agree with you about completely white-washing a person's character.  Just because you died doesn't make you good!  No need to do a lot of dragging through the mud and bashing - we are not supposed to judge.  But why pretend the person was so good when they were not?  Maybe there are those who saw different sides of a person and no one is ALL bad, but dying does not purge one.  That made my ex-husband's funeral a little interesting.  I didn't go, and he was not totally wicked.  There were good things to be said about him and of course, you can just review his life facts.  But it was a little weird for my kids to have people offering them sympathy when they had not lost anything.  He didn't have a good relationship with them. That was the sorrow, not the loss of his presence. 

The idea of singing away the dead person's sins, well I should not judge, but that sure doesn't work with me.  Each person must repent of his own sins.  No one can cleanse us but Christ and that on the conditions of repentance.

How we live and the choices we make will determine our eternal destiny.  We have been taught that this life is the time to prepare to meet God, but we also believe in eternal progression.  I am not sure how it works, but I know we continue to learn, especially if we have tried to learn, grow, and obey in this life.  We will continue to do so. Righteous spirits minister to and teach spirits who did not receive the gospel of Christ in life. I think and HOPE we can continue to repent and grow. I don't know if we can change kingdoms, but I think we can at least level up within a kingdom.  But it won't be easier, we will still be who we are.  If we do not choose good and TRY to follow God, we probably will have much the same attitude - possibly even when we can see the consequences.  Although, I must say, we have all lost someone who we hope sees the light and chooses better in the after life.

Part of the good news is we believe in degrees of glory.  Three main degrees of glory with levels within.  And a degree of NO glory that is hell.  Those who follow God and make and keep sacred covenants with Him will be able to dwell with Him in the Celestial Kingdom.  In the middle kingdom, the Terrestrial,  will be good, but not fully righteous people.  People who were not very good, but not did not knowingly and willfully deny the Christ will be in the lower level, the Telestial World.  From what I hear, this is still a great place, better than earth (and I pretty much like earth, well without war, disasters, and illness).  Those who stubbornly and willfully deny the Holy Ghost and Christ will be in Outer Darkness, hell.  They have rejected God's light and will be without it.  Personally I think a LOT of people will be in the two T's and will be mostly happy about it.  I kind of think we will achieve our idea of heaven - what we believe in and aim for, but that is my personal interpretation.

Like you, we believe that the spirit is eternal.  We believe our spirits lived before this life in heaven with God our Father.  We believe we came here to gain a body and to learn and be tested.  We believe that because of Christ's triumph over death, we too will be resurrected - spirit and body restored to each other forever, with the body perfected.  I sometimes wonder about the science of all those people getting their bodies back, the science of how much matter is there on earth?  But God is a much better scientist than any of us and I believe His promise.

We believe that if we make and keep sacred covenants, we can not only dwell in the presence of God, we can keep our family organizations.  I don't know what happens if we don't.  I am pretty sure we will remember and know our friends and family, but we will not have the same claim of association.  Not sure how it works.

I tend to like cemeteries and think of them as peaceful places. I have never been in one at night.  I don't know if  some inner superstition or something would come out if I were. Of course, I am nervous being alone outside at night anywhere except my own yard. Of course, I don't think the person is there, but I understand people wanting to visit.  We think that the body should be treated with respect.  We believe our body is a temple for our spirit.  In respect, it is good to take care of the cemetery. 

I have thought about my own burial and been drawn to this cemetery or that in the past.  But this summer, I purchased rights to a tree in a forest in Mendocino County (Better Place Forests) where I will have my ashes placed and my family can have their ashes placed too.  This was a big step for me because in the past, I was kind of anti cremation.  I thought the church opposed it, but the policy is not clear, and the church recognizes that in some places cremation is the only legal choice.  I have slight fear of being burned alive, but I have the same fear of being buried alive.  That has happened in past centuries.  I told my children to just make sure I am well and truly dead.  I would rather become one with a tree than molder in box. From parts of the forest you can see the ocean.  It is lovely there.  I hope to visit my tree several times before I need it.  I spent a fortune, but we can place the ashes of 10 people before having to pay for more.  So I and my 8 natural born children are covered.  In-laws and grands will have to pay.  Divided out, it is much cheaper than a regular burial.  I am going to look into body donation.  Help science and get the cremation paid for.  A friend did that which made things much easier for his wife. But I am also interested in being an organ donor and and I don't know if one can do both organ and body donation.

I am supposed to be preparing for a trip to Washington State to visit my family there.  My granddaughter, Acadia, is leaving next week to serve a full-time mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in Oregon.

Ghost Buster

Twenty years ago we came within 2 hours of losing our house to foreclosure.  My then husband's secret spending and over all poor money management took us to financial ruin.  We were able to file bankruptcy in time to save the house.  We filed Chapter 13 which is the pay back plan and eventually, largely through the help of an inheritance from my paternal grandmother, discharged the bankruptcy.

All these years I have been haunted by thoughts of my old credit union. I had been with them since before our marriage when I first started building my credit.  At marriage we added my husband to my account.  When we filed bankruptcy, we hurried to the credit union and drew out all the money we had before they could seize it.  The bankruptcy included a list of all our creditors (most of whom I knew nothing at all about until the threatening phone calls started).  They were notified and given the opportunity to file their claim to be paid back through the bankruptcy .  It was my understanding at the time that the credit union did not file.  I have been haunted by the idea that I totally lost my good name with them and left them hanging (again with debts I did not incur, secret cash advances when he wanted money, but this is a community property state and his debts were my debts).  I have fantasied that I would some day have the courage and be financially able to go to them and find out what "I" owed and clear my name.

Since the divorce, I have been very careful with my money (and blessed with first, my alimony and child support, then later my share of his retirement.  I now have an excellent credit rating.  But I still thought of the credit union from time to time and wondered about contacting them.

Yesterday, going through old papers, I found the bankruptcy file.  Including a notice that the credit union while filing later than the others did make the deadline.  I saw annual reports showing that the credit union had been paid thousands of dollars.  I doubt that they would welcome me as a customer again, but I feel relieved of a long held burden

Why I am retiring at this time after only 15 years of service.

  After much thought and consideration, tears, prayer, number crunching, estimates, experimenting with the idea of different dates, I decided to retire effective June 13.  I have only two more working days!

  When I started working at Parks 11 1/2 years ago, I thought I would put in my twenty years and retire with full benefits.  A little foolish as I was 55.  For almost 10 years, I was very happy working in Parks.   A couple years ago I realized that I am slowing down and I decided to start taking it a little easier and start taking more time off.  Then changes at Parks.  Personnel changes at all levels. Last year we started changing accounting programs.  It has been terrible.  

  Then in my misery I remembered that my mother died at 70.  Her mother died at 68.  I will be 67 in September.  The toxic workplace was pushing me to join them.   

   In April I was so stressed and unhappy, I went to CalPERS ready to retire IMMEDIATELY, but they told me that I could buy back the service time from before I went home to raise my children. It would change my time from 11 1/2 years to 15.   It will increase my medical coverage from 55% to 75%.  It will increase my retirement check and they will take payment for the service time out of the increase.  I still come out a little ahead.  I decided to try to wait for the paperwork to be completed which they said could take 90 days. If necessary to save my sanity, I would "separate" without retiring and live off my savings until it was ready. Fortunately they were much quicker. 

It was hard to decide when to leave my coworkers whom I like and respect.  Arishma left the unit in April after a 2 week notice and they still have not even advertised the opening, let alone replace her.  So with the workload more than doubled, the unit is short handed.  In July, Marina will be off for 3 weeks to visit her mother country Russia. When I go, the unit will be 3 short.  But I have been miserable.  It is sucking the life out of me. I will never get my desk caught up. I cannot really make my coworkers have to work any harder - they are already working as hard as possible and extra hours.  The piles will just get bigger.  The employees we serve will have to wait longer - which does bother me.  But my peers have been amazingly supportive of my decision.  If you cannot save the others, save yourself.  The whole mess is not of my making and I cannot fix it. 

    This is the letter I am emailing to the Deputy Director, Human Rights Office, and my section chief on my last day.   It has been toned down considerably from when I started writing it. I could have said a good deal about the poor management in our unit, our section, and above. They do not seem to care about Parks or Parks employees.

Why I am retiring at this time after only 15 years of service.

I am getting old and tired.  The women in my family die young and I am approaching that age.

Fi$Cal is a major part of it. Partly Fi$Cal and partly how it has been handled.  

I seem unable to become proficient in Fi$Cal. This is a constant source of discouragement and frustration.  However, I know I am not alone. People throughout the office and throughout the Parks system are struggling. Fi$Cal is far from user friendly. At district level and at my level, it greatly increases work rather than simplifying. Working Fi$Cal is slow and frustrating. There are many, many new rules and they keep changing.

Fi$Cal itself is bad enough, but the transition has been poorly managed. Inadequate training, too much pressure to get more done than is humanly possible. Unrealistic, impossible deadlines. Our work has probably tripled.  We appear to have been in a state of emergency for nearly a year now.

The workplace atmosphere has become unhealthy and unhappy.. Every day I feel sick to my stomach coming to work. Nearly every day I and / or another co-worker is in tears because of exhaustion, discouragement, frustrations, unrealistic expectations pushed on us,  or treatment by management or (in some cases, not me) co-workers,. Here are two examples:

• My unit asked for team training so we could help and learn from each other to better work in Fi$Cal.  We were told no.

• Last week a co-worker was called in because she had been seen crying. Concern for her well-being? Offer support and counsel? No, to rebuke HER for creating a negative office atmosphere.

Parks in general and this office in particular was once a great place to work with an atmosphere of mutual respect, reasonable expectations, encouragement, and support.  The feel was of being a Parks family, with purpose and a feeling of being part of something good. I still love Parks and many Parks people, but our unit and the whole department has a different feel. I like and highly esteem the Travel staff - pleasant, smart, hard-working, helpful, team spirited, supportive. If not for them, I would have left much sooner. The unit atmosphere, however, is unhappy, stressed, and anxious.

By the end of the day no matter how hard I work even if I work extra time,   I am further behind than when I started. More work comes in than I can possibly do, not to mention the catch-up and backup. Some of my duties are almost totally neglected – mainly overseeing and working with Petty Cash accounts - which Fi$Cal is unprepared to handle - and reimbursing revolving fund. I cannot do enough.

Before all the changes here, I was a reasonably competent worker who enjoyed my job.  One of my former supervisors actually recently told me I was one of her best employees.. Now I am miserable and feel stupid and worthless.  I have reached the point now where even if the atmosphere changed and the workload became reasonable, I need to retire, but I want this to become a better place to work for those who stay and those who come in.  I want Parks to prosper and become a good place to work again before work place misery ruins the health and lives of workers, drives out too many good workers, and ruins our physical Parks that we are here to support

Home Away from Home

Are you a traveler or a home body?

In the last 5 years I have been able to do things I never thought to do in my life.  I spent 2 weeks in England, Scotland and Wales, and I went to Walt Disney World TWICE.  (Two of those trips were GIFTS, can you believe it?!) In fact, I just got back from WDW with my oldest daughter, Sariah,  and her family.  While in England and in Orlando, I attended church there locally.  What a wonderful thing it is to be so physically far from home and yet to feel so at home there.  The same gospel is taught.  The same sacred ordinance of the Sacrament. And although I do not know the people’s names, I know their core values and know that they are my brothers and sisters, and potential friends and helpers.

          It is possible to sit quietly in the back, go unnoticed and walk away without talking to anyone.  I have done it. Although Mormons are friendly, they all have concerns and responsibilities and don’t always see.  Or, like me, are basically socially backwards and awkward.   I get to know people rather slowly.   I tried once to overcome my natural reticence.  I walked up and introduced myself – to someone who had been in the same ward with me for years but I didn’t know well and she had changed her hair!  Now, I know it’s better to just say “Good to see you” and let things go from there.

          It is almost easier when you are the visitor or the new one, because then you aren’t expected to know anyone.  Then you can go up and say, “Hi!  I am visiting.  Where do I go now?”

          Sariah, is great at getting to know people.  She chatted with people very comfortably everywhere on our trip.  Once early in her marriage she accompanied her husband on a training trip for work.  She called me when she landed and said she was going to take a nap.   It wasn’t all that much later – that evening or the next day? That we spoke on the phone and she said she had to go because they were going out with friends.   I said, “You don’t know anyone there!”  After her nap, she had looked up the local ward, called the Bishop, went with his wife to some Relief Society function, met and made friends with another young married gal.

          But whether we are outgoing or shy, wherever we go in the church we can find brothers and sisters who truly are friends we simply haven’t met.  We have to stretch just a little and we will be at home wherever we are.

          It is one of the blessings of the church – besides that little detail of the Gospel and Plan of Happiness and Salvation.