Wednesday, December 2, 2009

You are invited to my pity party, but you might not want to come.

I was writing a pity party post, answered the phone, and somehow the whole thing just disappeared. Figures.
Here we go again:

My boss let me take off early yesterday because it was Benjamin’s birthday. Got outside and found my back tire was flat. Took it apart, could not find the leak, put it back, pumped it up and rode. This morning I found the leak, but not the cause which is worrisome, patched, pumped and rode. I wonder if I will have to pump before riding home tonight?

When I got to work yesterday, my iPod Touch was not in my purse. Not too alarmed, I expected to find it on my bed at home. Nope. Benjamin and I looked everywhere we could think of without success. I hadn’t been out and about with it at all between waking up and discovering it missing. Discouraging mystery. I was really sad and upset with myself. The mystery was solved when I found it this morning in my camel pack. ??? Glad to find it, but I don’t know why I put it there. That does not fit the usual pattern. Also, doesn’t still fit in the pity party, but it did yesterday.
I only had one small present for Benjamin. He calls it a puppet. It is a small wooden human model.

My ex dropped by unexpectedly. Oh well, unannounced saves us negative anticipation, right? Not exactly certain what his primary reason was. Joseph had emailed him a couple of weeks ago that he had mail at our house – probably junk, but we don’t know. Glen said that he was in the area getting a hair cut and thought he would see if we were home. He also told Ben Happy Birthday and asked him if he felt different now that he is 17. Also, he had left a Happy Birthday message on the answering machine for Benjamin. It was not a bad visit, but I do not desire his company.
Glen also told me about a neat present he is sending Andrew. Snap and use RE-USEABLE handwarmers! Very nice. They only last a couple of hours, but he is sending more than one pair. They get hard as they are used up, then you heat them in hot water and they liquefy and become useable again. Amazing. Great for Andrew! But now I feel bad. My ‘big gift’ was 40 pairs of regular single use handwarmers. They do last for several hours. But then they are done. Lame by comparison. At least Andrew, and probably his companion, will have warm hands. I also sent him a CD and a scarf. Oh the thrill of it all.

Continuing in the theme of ‘my ex continues to ruin my life and especially my future’ (my current life is pretty good except I don’t have enough time for it!) : I recently learned that my share of his retirement declines every year he continues to work. If he retires this year, I will get $1300 - $200 less than I get in spousal support (which will discontinue). On Benjamin’s next birthday, I naturally lose child support - $800. I have to figure out how to live on at least $1000/month less than I have now. Glen will retire, when he retires, at full pay which is currently nearly $6500/month. I earn little more than a third of what he makes. I have 2 years towards my retirement, so have to work into and possibly past my late. late 70s – if my health holds. That’s a long time. I could get promotions, but frankly, I am a little old and tired and don’t know how ambitious I can be. I don’t actually have an affinity for this accounting stuff and I do not want to go into management. I don’t think I will climb very far. If my health fails, let’s hope I die quickly, because I won’t have enough to live on even if there is no more inflation.
I have always said that my retirement plan is ‘I hope my children like me.’ I hoped that was a little joke, but it looks like my best hope. I am pretty sure that each of them (most of them?) would be willing to provide a corner and a crumb for a couple of months at a time. I am hoping to be able to cover my medical, and, I suppose, my bus trips between homes. I will have to give up all my things. My pets!!!! My nativity collection and my stamps – or I guess I can visit them as they are divided between the children. My books. Thank goodness for libraries! I hope I am not blind. I really hope I can have a laptop by then.
And what if I am not at all healthy? Will they be able/willing to pitch in enough for me to be in a decent old folks home?


  1. Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.
    Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
    Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.
    Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
    Every moment, THANK GOD.

    I found this somewhere....:D. I think it is perfect for this situation. I know for a fact your kids will not let you go hungry, or without shelter. Let it go, and worry when the time comes. Enjoy today and let tomorrow take care of itself.

    I am not advocating a carefree lifestyle. But, when you have done everything you can (which you have) dont bog your life down by something that may or may not happen in the far future...right??

    You are richer than many with your love and knowledge of the gospel. Add to that you have many righteous children. You are truly blessed. And loved by friends far and near.

  2. Barbara... I too just worked my way out of a pretty decent "rut" I had gotten myself into...

    In fact I had written 4 posts about it, but decided after part 2 (and part 3 just needing some editing) that I was going to "round file" the whole shebang...

    I realized that writing about it did a couple of things... A. Helped me get out of it and B. Was dragging me back into it...

    I know our religious backgrounds differ, and I have been learning a lot about the LDS church through you and a couple of other blogs I have been enjoying, but one thing I have not come across yet.. The Saints... (I guess it would be the Catholic Saints). Are there saints in the LDS church? Do they differ from those of the Catholic church?

    I ask because one of our Saints, (St. Anthony) is the patron saint of lost items (among other things) and it is said that if you can not find something that has been misplaced, a quick prayer to St. Anthony could result in some "divine intervention"... Children are taught this quick little prayer... "Tony, Tony, please come around. Something's lost and can not be found".

    Sorry to hear about your problems with your ex.

    Keep holding your head up... Things have a way of looking up!

    Prayers your way!!