Yesterday morning I went to the dentist for a check and clean. I am such a dental-phobe that it takes great effort of will to sit through a simple cleaning without crying. I kid you not. But I go in twice a year like I should. And I do appreciate modern dentistry! Oh, I could not have lived!
Then we get to discuss the condition of my teeth. and the crying begins. No cavities. That's good, but what difference does it make? I have periodontal disease and the bones in my mouth are just going away. Where do they go?? One by one my teeth just cut loose and eventually get pulled. Currently, I have FOUR unsaveable teeth that the dentist wants to pull before I get infection in the bone which is quite painful.
I am already missing several and have inconvenient and unsightly gaps. Only one partial disguising the worst gap in the front. Which will have to go as an anchor tooth is one that is on the way out. The worst, I think.
The sweet hygienist (who is from Korea - interesting side note in
light of Benjamin's mission call) assured me that periodontal disease is
not a character flaw. Or tried to assure me. I still feel like scum
of the world. She and most of her family have periodontal disease
despite many of them being in the dental profession, regular brushing and
flossing and having their teeth cleaned every 3 months instead of twice
a year. She is beautiful, gentle and kind. Not scum.
(I do brush morning and night and floss nightly. And rinse with mouthwash. Sometimes I brush, floss, brush. A lot of good that seems to do me)
The good news is that they do this differently than what I have experienced before - pull the tooth, heal, take impressions, and finally get the falsie. A couple of months without teeth. Instead, Tabitha, the receptionist, says that they make the dentures and have them ready before they pull and you start wearing them immediately. In fact, they even act somewhat as a bandage. I am not sure how they make sure they fit right. One good thing about my partial is that it is a perfect fit and I hardly know it's there.
The bad news besides the discomfort and expense I can ill afford, is that the dentist doesn't want to do the pulling until my blood sugars are under control. Of course, I am too busy for that business now, anyway. Not until after Benjamin leaves. I do not have time for this.
Bad news, folks, my blood sugars have been wild bad. (more scum) Despite riding my bike to work over 6 1/2 miles each way 4 times a week and TRYING to do better on my eating. I know, I eat too much. I like food. I am always "hungry". I emotion/stress eat. I am not
good at portion control. I try, but not hard enough. I have been doing
better, but not good. Obviously.
Have you seen how you are supposed to eat?! I went to their little class where an overweight nurse told us how easy it is to eat properly and control our weight and blood sugars. And showed us repulsive tiny plastic food portions as examples of what and how much to eat. Lesson: If you like it, you should not eat it. If you don't like it, you should only eat a little. Not enough to even feel like you ate.
I see my doctor today and expect that she will insist that I go on insulin. Oh, good. I get to shoot myself every day.
Sometimes I feel like it. Oh, not REALLY. I understand that is against the rules, messy and mean to do to whoever finds you, I don't have and am somewhat afraid of guns, and some of my children still need me. My dog would be very sad and I don't know what would happen to her. Much of life is very good, beautiful and pleasant. And I am not too confident of where I end up in the great sorting out to come, so no hurry. Especially if hurrying would add negative points.
But I do get mighty discouraged from time to time. It's time.
Of course, when I am depressed, I want to eat. bad idea.
