Friday, November 6, 2009

I told people I would not become bitter


I am feeling bitter lately about my potential future - retirement related issues.  Nothing he did recently, just the whole life situation.   I will say he has always been good about making his support payments which stop when he retires.  I just resent that I have to work long into my old age - if my health holds! - and even then will probably be quite poor.  My share of his retirement is going to be much less than I hoped/expected and for my part,  I 1) have only just begun (almost 3 years now) earning towards retirement myself and 2) don't make much money so even if I get a good percentage won't get much.  Hopefully, I will have enough to cover my meds if  I can work long enough to have health benefits and my kids can spare a corner and a crumb. Otherwise, Mack trucks or pillows in the night come to mind. But I don't think I will have enough to keep the house as I would like.  We shall see when the time comes, eh?

No leisurely retirement working in my garden, baking cookies, and visiting grandkids.  Certainly no cruises or other fun trips and such.  I cannot even afford decent television reception or computer right now.  Or to fix my wreck of a house.

I do not forget that I am indeed rich despite my money issues. I have enough to live on without distress (now).  I am blessed to have a testimony of the Lord Jesus Christ and to enjoy the blessings of the restored gospel. I have wonderful children, children-in-law, and grandchildren.  I live in peace and freedom.  So far, I live in my own house (mine and the bank's, mostly the bank's).  I sleep in a comfy bed. I have enough to eat in tasty variety.  I enjoy plumbing and electricity.  I have a car, bike and public transit available and decent roads.  I like my job, my boss and my co-workers. My health could be better, but is not bad.  I can see, hear, taste, move, und so weiter. I have wonderful (although neglected) friends.  Through the miracles of modern communication I can share the lives of people I care about, learn, see places I would like to go and places I am glad to only see on television. I have the promise that if I keep my covenants, great blessings and riches will be mine - eventually.

Still, I really would not mind winning the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.   They say that big money winners often end up worse off a few years later.  I am willing to accept the risk/challenge!

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