Thursday, February 28, 2008

“I dote on his very absence.” William Shakespeare

Sometimes I really like Shakespeare. He does have a way with words.
Every now and then someone asks me for an update on He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. I am not the best person to ask. I don't know much nor care more.
Typical Q and A:
Q - I heard that Glen is engaged...true???
A - True, and Possibly Not
He announced his engagement shortly before Thanksgiving to a lady he met at the first singles dance he attended. They came to the family Thanksgiving Dinner. Ingrid seemed nice. They had intended to marry Dec 15, but 1) found out they couldn't just run off to the temple, and 2) the kids had a meeting with him saying that they were concerned it was too fast and that it was sending a poor message to the grandkids about the importance of marriage. Christmas, his gift the the kids was a letter about her and their intentions to marry, also about his plans to improve his financial habits. More recently, I have heard the rumor that they are possibly re-considering. However, when we do our twice a month family Sunday dinner planning - exchanging emails about the menu and assignments, he always says, "We will bring..." but shows up alone. She has done him great good already by getting him going to Debtors Anonymous.
Q - do you feel…and how are you?
A - I feel sorry for her, but she is a grown up person and apparently she has some idea of his financial problems. She doesn't know how he treated us, but .... Honestly, she seems to be a better counselor for him than I was. I certainly don't feel jealous. I don't want him or much of anything to do with him. I sometimes resent the things he has messed up in my life, but like I remind the kids, our happiness and success in life has nothing to do with his. We don't need him to be less happy in order for us to have a good life.
I think he is going too fast. But I don't really care what he does. As long as I get my alimony check and when he retires, my share of his retirement - and no liability for his debts.
I was afraid that in part of her helping him become a better person, he would start wanting to see the boys more, but he pretty much ignores their existence as much as he did when he was home. I suppose they will have to go to the Father - Son Outing with him, but he has not made any real effort to communicate with or spend time with them. (to their relief)
Life is pretty good. Although it has been over a year, I still have trouble with being a working mom. That is something I rather do resent. Then I remind myself that I had the blessing of being at home for over 30 years. I am so glad not to have to face this with young children. It is hard enough when my "baby" is 15! I am not nearly the mother I ought to be. Of course, I was never a perfect mom! But working does take its toll. As far too many women know.
Since I have to work, I am really blessed to have the job I do.
Also, some news –
He got the 2006 taxes filed, refund back, and gave me my share. I am hoping to get a camera, although, maybe I should bank it until I know whether I owe for 2007.
And rumor – I heard through the grapevine that he might sell his Prius, buy a less expensive car, and pay back part of the money he owes the house. I don't know what I think about that. Whether it is the best thing to do fiscally or not. And whether he thinks giving me the money he gets from this deal will take completely care of that debt of honor. (Probably not even close.)
So, it sounds to me that in some ways, G is doing much better. Hopefully, in many ways. Although he is not included in my long list of personal "please bless"-s, I do not wish him ill. (at least not MOST of the time) Once in awhile, I mention in my prayers that "you can bless him if you want to," because sometimes it seems like I am praying for everyone I know except him and I feel guilty. ; )


  1. Well, the Savior said, "Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them wich despitefully use you and persecute you." Matthew 5:44

    I don't know if the Lord really wants you to go out of your way to do good for Dad (that wouldn't be my place to say), but I'm sure that praying for him occasionally is a good thing. He is still one of God's children (and whether he acts like it or not, he is the father of your children) and obviously needs help and guidance.

    I am glad he gave you your half of the tax refund. :)

    I had not heard that he was considering selling the Prius. I don't know if that would be worth it. The value decreased significantly the day he drove it off the lot. :S

  2. Hugs to you. Sounds like you are healing nicely. Indifference is the best way.

    Like I have said before, I am always amazed by your strength and courage. Those boys are lucky to have such a calming, honest, and loving influence.

  3. Wow that is a great article.. I' m enjoy it.. good post